Mindfulness

There we were, gazing at the ocean. It was our one and only vacation as a family, and I was thrilled that we were able to spend a few days in Ocean City together before the summer ended. Our feet in the water, the sun on our faces, the sound of the waves crashing...it was just so nice, I didn't want it to end. And then... I said it.

"Where should we go on vacation next year?"

My husband answered "Can't you just enjoy where we are without thinking about that now?"

Oh, hello, mindfulness, I misplace you often.

Instead of truly being in the moment and enjoying this time, my mind was racing ahead to when we could do it again. And that kind of stole some of the joy of what was happening right now. The now which is now then. 

I remember when I first heard the term "mindfulness." I am the LEAST "new age-y" type person you will meet, and this sounded rather new age-y to me. "Practice mindfulness." Um, OK, I'm kinda too busy for that right now...

But then I read it again in regards to eating, and it made perfect sense. I was trapped in a world of "what's next?" at mealtimes. At breakfast I would think about what I was having for lunch; at lunch I would be thinking of what was for dinner. I was literally obsessed with food. I would eat so fast and distracted (by TV, computer or at my desk at work) that I didn't really ENJOY my meal. I was just always hungry (probably because I didn't give myself a chance to feel full!) and literally rushed around in all aspects of my life. I started to count the number of times I chewed my food (and no, I cannot do the 20 bites that I read are recommended - might as well put my food in a blender!) and tried to be mindful to do better. I tried to keep track of my food that I ate and plan my meals in advance. I tried not to eat at my desk. I tried, I succeeded, I failed, but I kept trying.

Many of you know about the car accident in 2009 that finally slowed me down. I was forced to just "be" and literally not move. That was a great (albeit unfortunate) way for me to practice mindfulness, and to learn not to "rush" through anything because you don't know how long you'll have it. Looking back, I see the Divine Intervention at that point in my life, and I am a better person now because of it.

The last few months have been really great for me. So great, that I started this here new blog to talk and share things. The comment my husband made on the beach stays with me; yes, I am planning our next vacation but I am going to sure as heck make sure not to plan the next one after that while we are on the one I am planning now! (: It's totally OK to plan. I love to plan. But it's also OK to plan one thing at a time. I'm working on it!

I realized that mindfulness isn't such a "new" thing after all. As a matter of fact, there's a reference to it in the Bible.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34

Yup, today sure has enough troubles of its own. But it also has blessings of its own, for me to enjoy and really be in the moment with. Sometimes I just close my eyes and imagine myself "freezing" the moment I am in. Like when my son puts his arms out for a hug, or when my baby nephew smiles at me for making a funny noise, or when the 3 of us are at the dinner table and laughing about something. Times of pure joy that God gave me to bask in. Love that phrase. I want to BASK in the great moments of my life, not be too busy to enjoy them while they are here.

As the mom of a teenager, I know what it means to have those moments pass by before I could "freeze" them. So many little-boy memories that I would love to get back. I did the best I could back then as a single mom...but I sure as heck am not going to "miss out" now, since I am being more mindful of how quickly life passes by. My son will be in college in a few years; that's only 3 summer vacations away. Next month, my Dad will have been gone 8 years. He was 57 when he died. That seems so young to me now. I can barely stand the pain of thinking about all the things I didn't do with my Dad when I had the chance. Like the Memorial Day trip on the lake he invited me on. I had to work - work! - it wound up being the last time he took that little boat of his on the water. He died that December. Hindsight is always 20/20...but being mindful sure does put moments in perspective before they pass by. I will not lose that lesson, even if I need to be reminded of it on a beach every now and then.

The LEAP program has taught me to be mindful in so many ways. Not just with food...but with the way I feel, and the "abundant life" that I had been searching for these past few years. Life is here for us to enjoy. Be mindful of the moments that break through the chaos in your day. Take time to really be "in" the moment you are in - even if it's just to appreciate the taste of some organic fresh fruit! Or the child that is home with you instead of in the hospital! BASK in your sweet little moments. They will be gone before you know it!